Hickory Dickory Dock

I was reading some old e-mails today and came across one from my dear friend from high school, Michael. Not only is he one of the funniest cats I know, he's also incredibly creative and will probably be one of those "don't you wish you were friends with this guy when you were 10" kind of fellas. Neither here nor there- he's taken, ladies, so unless Miss C lets go, consider yourself too late.

Anyways, a few years ago I was going to a party at a professor's house and I was hoping against hope that everyone had too much South African wine and started telling limericks. When I relayed this to my friend Michael, he felt the need to send me a few. So here are those, along with some of my other classic favorites. Please enjoy:


Em Anne was a fiery lass
Known well for her wit and her sass
But give a fine beer
And some free Everclear
And she'll be more well known for her ass



A Scottish limerick (keep in mind Menzies is pronounced "Ming-iss", thenzies is "Thing-iss", and so on..):

A lively young damsel named Menzies

Inquired: "Do you know what this thenzies?"

Her aunt, with a gasp,

Replied: "It's a wasp,

And you're holding the end where the stenzies.

Miss Knight
Was a wonderful sight
When she entered the Sigma Chi house
But early next day
She awoke with dismay
On a couch with no sign of her blouse



There Once was a Man called Reg
Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge
Along came his wife
With a big Carving Knife
And cut off his meat and two veg



Ol' Emily Anne does a keg stand
Ol' Emily Anne takes a shot
Ol' Em, do we love her
Much more than our mother
And she's easily three times as hot



Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,
My wife's just had twins, ain't that nice?
But the Bishop said, "Father,
in future I'd rather
you abstained, or were not naughty twice."


Do you have any limericks you're fond of? Post a comment, fools.