Let's Hug It Out, Bitch.

Hopefully you have explored the menu to the left by now. See Sarah's Corner? Learn it, love it, live it. I know there are already quite a few links, but get to clickin' homesnake! There are treasures that will certainly enrich your life today. I can't guarantee that with a Billy Mays promise, but I would bet that Sarah's Corner will make you laugh. And while we are on the subject, yes, Mighty Putty DOES stop a leaky garden hose, so infomerical guarantees aren't entirely falsified on occasion. But that's neither here nor there.

What I'd like to discuss this afternoon is the link entitled "Hey laaaaaaaadies" give or take an "a". If you haven't indulged yet, the quick synopsis is this: Card-carrying member of the AARP seeks trophy wife half his age, but can't get off the cheez curlz so he's trying his hand at internet dating sans picture. But By God, if you aren't a perfect 10 then don't come a-callin'. Tale as old as time.

Unfortunately, he insists on making a real assclown of himself and spells out his bride requirements with the tact of an ornery seagull with a case of irritable bowel syndrome. Yes, he seems quite pleasant. Take for example, some of the items on his Quick Disqualification List:

10. You cannot walk seven (7) miles non-stop averaging 1 mile per 20 minutes and without drinking or eating anything during the walk.

11. You have to go to the bathroom more than once during a four hour date where we first have dinner at a restaurant then see a movie.

16. Staying in fashion is important to you.

17. You are a vegetarian, that is, you do not eat meat or fish.

19. You desire to pursue your own career, even after marriage.

Not to mention number 3: You think this profile is too long to read. Wait until the next revision. LOL (Laughing Out Loud)


Where to begin, where to begin? Well, let's just call a spade a spade. This man is a nutter. And this is only the first page of his profile. Let's read on, shall we?

Quick Qualification List:

3. In American sizes, if you are a dress size bigger than 8 or in plus sizes, it would be highly unlikely that I would be interested.

4. You are under thirty years old. My preferred range is between 24 and 29 for such girls have generally finished their formal education and have a good idea of what they want for themselves in life. However, I will consider younger and older. If you over 29, you will have to be pretty and slim.

10. You must be able to get yourself, at your own expense, to anywhere in America.

11. NO FOREIGN WOMEN UNLESS you can get yourself to America at your own expense. I will not help you financially so don't ask. I will not go to your country except for a vacation sometime after we have been married.


You are not to ask me any questions until I say you can. I first want to determine as quickly as possible if you are someone I'd be interested in. I do that by asking you a lot of questions and seeing your answers. I will be asking numerous questions designed to uncover, if they exist, those qualities and characteristics I want or do not want in my future wife.


Yep, this is real folks. Discuss amongst yourselves. Go!